What Parents Can't Stop Doing

     Since her performance on the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards, media attention has been on Miley Cyrus's song and video "We Can't Stop".  

     To be fair, before forming an opinion about it, I decided to watch the video, "We Can't Stop".  After seeing it, I knew that we, parents, can't stop either.

     This is what we, parents, can't stop doing for our kids:

     We can't stop…

• Teaching you to honor human dignity.
• Insisting on lady-like, or gentlemanly, behavior.
• Insisting that you to have a sense of purpose (a positive one).
• Encouraging academic excellence, or at least, trying one's best in school.
• Setting boundaries, which give you enough space to grow and challenge yourself, but not enough to get hurt physically, or emotionally.
• Checking up on you, when you need to be checked up on, because we know, that kids don't "own the night".
• Hugging you, when we feel you need a hug.
• Loving you unconditionally, even when it hurts a little.

No, we can't stop either.


By Angeline Bandon-Bibum
www.angelinebandonbibum.com 

Working on Dreams in the Midst of Reality

You are working on a personal project and enjoying every minute of it.  Then, family needs and responsibilities increase and intensify, just when you need to focus on your project the most. 

For instance, summer vacation is over, and school is about to start.  A summer project is not quite complete.  (The one you've been telling your child to complete for weeks, offering help and advice.) Preferably, it should be fabulous, but it looks just acceptable.   And, even an older kid needs attention and guidance that just cannot wait.  To top that, your spouse, suddenly, wants attention.

Next, there's that last summer social event, like the wedding of a family member in another state.  The bride calls you to put the pressure on, just in case you were thinking of an excuse to not show up.  The list of responsibilities goes on and on and on...

There can seem to be so much between us and our dreams.   Yet, it’s worth it to keep our dreams alive and well because these dreams are God’s gifts to us.   These gifts are meant to be shared so that our fellow human beings can benefit from them as well.

As many of you may know, I'm working on Lamentation of a Warrior, the sequel to my first novel, Sojourner's Dream.   I'm enjoying the writing process, and its challenges, and  I’m working on my dream in the midst of reality.   I hope you are, too.

By Angeline Bandon-Bibum

Angeline's website

Writing and Research

I'm working on Lamentations of a Warrior, the sequel to my first novel, Sojourner's Dream.  I started writing Lamentations of a Warrior in 2006.  Since my duties as a mother and a wife are first priority, not to mention that I was working a full-time job, the writing process was slow.  My family had been supportive of my writing the first novel, yet they wanted their attention, too.  So, the sequel was often put on the back burner, so to speak.  Nonetheless, I'm continuing on with writing the sequel, Lamentations of a Warrior, and moving toward the finish line.

One of the most interesting and time consuming aspects of the writing process, specially for historical fiction, is research.  I read a great blog article entitled "Know Thy Stuff – Why Research is Important" by Jodi Milner (My Literary Dream) yesterday about the importance of researching for a novel.  This article reminded me of the years of research that I did for my first novel, Sojourner's Dream.  The research that I did was absolutely necessary in order to write about the Rwandan genocide of 1994.  Luckily, I love to read about history, so researching was not tedious to me.  It was intriguing, and even exciting.   It was also extremely sad, at times, as I read about the depths of the horrors which innocent people had experienced, yet I digress.

To provide accurate and believable settings and situations in their stories, fiction writers may need to do extensive research.  I started writing my first novel, Sojourner's Dream, in 2002 and completed it in 2006.  Part of the reason that it took me four years to complete it was the extensive research that I had to do on Rwandan history.  In reference to Rwandan history and culture, I read dozens of books and newspaper and magazine articles.  I spent time in local libraries and in the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C.  I watched many documentaries, and I interviewed a Rwandan person whose family was brutally murdered during the 100 days of this genocide in 1994.  I had travelled to three African countries prior to writing Sojourner’s Dream, yet not Rwanda, so, my research was critical.

What is one of your specific writing challenges?

 

By Angeline Bandon-Bibum

Summer Musings and Blessings

I'm missing summer already, and it isn't even over yet.   Our summer included a vacation, family reunion, volunteer camp for my youngest child, post high school graduation relief for my oldest daughter, and a summer internship for my son, to name just a few of the great things about it.

Now the familiar routine of back to school shopping, in the crowded school supplies section, and the congested traffic on the first day of school, is on the horizon.  I know I'm very proficient at this by now, but I still need to brace myself for the inevitable winds of the seasonal change.  It's time to put on my drill sergeant hat (I'm a nice one though) and make sure the summer reading assignments and projects are done, and get ready for the tidal wave of my kids’ homework, exams, and the end of staying up past midnight.

Nonetheless, there’s still enough summer left for a couple more visits to the local pool with family, and a summer date night with my husband.   I’m taking a deep breath, and feeling blessed about it all.


By Angeline Bandon-Bibum

Color Complex Effects Workshop Promotes Healing

Last weekend, I attended Marita Golden's "Sisters Under the Skin: Healing the Wounds of the Color Complex" Workshop in Washington, D.C.  During this workshop, the ladies in attendance openly discussed the topic of the color complex.  They spoke about how this historical habit, between African-American’s of various skin shades, affected their self esteem as children and as adults.

The workshop included presentations by experts in relevant topics, such as Dr. Pamela Brewer, a local therapist and the host of MyNDTALK radio show, and Dr. Lori Tharps, an assistant professor of journalism at Temple University and author of Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America.  These presentations explored the historical roots of the color complex, and the present day effects of it.

Participants engaged in insightful individual and group exercises, such as journaling exercises and group assignments designed to encourage communication and healing between the women.  The heart-felt, poignant testimonies were cathartic moments of reflection, as attendees shared painful experiences due to the issue the shade of their skin.

The workshop concluded on a very positive note, as the ladies were encouraged to affirm one another's beauty, and suggestions were offered as to ways to constructively deal with the problem of the color complex.

Zombies and the Human Condition

I read that today is World Zombie Day and that The Walking Dead, a television series about survival after a zombie apocalypse, returns tomorrow.

There is something about zombies that repulses, yet fascinates some people.  What is it?  Movies about zombies may seem macabre, mythological, and even silly.  The idea of zombies unnerves people.  There's something that feels real about them.  Why?  When we know they don't exist, as presented in movies.  Is it that zombies represent the worse aspect the human condition, mass, mindlessness and bloody violence?

World history reveals mass genocides and wars, in which people have, in disturbing historical episodes, behaved like zombies, possessed with destructive energy (evil) and mindless violence.  There was even a song (Fela Kuti's Zombie) about zombies.  What draws some people into behaviors which they normally would not dream of doing, like killing and destroying other people?  Maybe that's why zombie movies have the potential to disturb and frighten.  They remind us of what horrors could be possible sometimes in the human condition.  

By Angeline Bandon-Bibum

Angeline Bandon-Bibum

A Peace Wish For You

Happy Friday! I wish you peace on this day, International Day of Peace, and always.


A smile for a friend, handshake for an acquaintance, hug for a family member, or supportive words for a spouse, these are ways we can start to express our wish for peace.

Peace can affect everything that happens in our world.  An individual’s inner peace, or lack of it, can affect the peace of his family in a positive or negative way.  For instance, a peaceful person can be a joy to be around, a calming presence for those around him.  A person with no peace, on the other hand, can be a destructive force who drains the energy of persons close by.  Likewise, this is true for the family unit, which impacts its surrounding community.  It’s a ripple effect, as whole nations and the international community are eventually affected by the presence or absence of peace.

Yet, on an individual level, there’s something each of us can do. We can take concrete steps towards peace within ourselves and share that with our families and communities.  In this way, we can make our small, yet critical contribution to peace in the world, one person, and one action, at a time.

Let’s remember the healing power of introducing peace into the life of an individual who’s in pain. Imagine nationwide and international peace, no wars, no genocides, and no violent crimes.  Does this sound too good to be true?

Think about it though. What actions promote peace?  What actions threaten peace?  What are the concrete benefits of peace?

We can do things in our daily lives to add to a peaceful environment in our families, communities, nation, and the world.

Let’s all own a peace action task today.

Peace to you all.

Angeline Bandon-Bibum